Why Wine Drunk Is The Best Type Of Drunk

Monday, 18 January 2016

It's common knowledge that wine is fabulous. It's great for both celebrating and drowning your sorrows because it either dramatically sends you to the crazy depths of your own personality or sends you to sleep. Wine is a people pleaser and quite frankly, it's good for the soul. So grab a glass of Vino and read why:

Everything Is Funny
Whether you've had 1 glass or 5 glasses, everything is so much funnier when wine is involved. Don't ask me why, it just is. The most mundane story you tell turns into the most hilarious award-winning anecdote and you praise yourself and your gal pals for being so damn funny. We've all had the wine giggles.

It's Always A Good Idea
When has anyone EVER turned down a glass of wine? Whether it's the 'oh one won't hurt' sort of persuasion or the 'hell yeah, I'll grab the glasses' (they're my favourite type of people) approach, more is always the right answer. I mean, I don't think there's even such a thing as one glass of wine, is there?

It Always Gets You Drunk
It's the naughty little jungle juice that suddenly creeps up on you and reminds you how drunk you are. There's no gradual 'I'm getting drunk' process, it's all or nothing. There's no long-winded sipping on a spirit and mixer involved, wine is straight to the point and we love it for that very reason.

It's Goddam Classy
You've got to admit that you feel pretty sophisticated sipping on some Sauvignon Blanc, don't ya? It doesn't matter if you can't pronounce it and nobody has to know it cost you less than an hour's wages at Tesco Express. Wine is wine and we're here to drink it. No judging allowed.

Until You Spill It
Being wine drunk only leads you down the clumsy path of having zero spacial awareness But the beauty of it is that if you drink red, white will remove the stain. Benefit at its finest. Although if you stick to white you can avoid that problem entirely. Win win situation.

DMC (Deep Meaningful Conversation) Central
Don't ask me why but consuming wine always leads to the deepest and most sentimental of conversations of how much love you have for your best friends and how you're gonna live the life of luxury and conquer the world. 'OH MA GOD babes, you are totally my best ever friend. We'll still be doing this when we're saggy AF - you've always been my favourite', you say in every wine-induced encounter. We've all been there - it's cool.

Say Hello To Your Inner Bad Ass Bitch
Something about wine makes your sassy alter-ego rear it's beautiful head and turn all 'oh no she ditunt' on anyone who crosses your path. You gain a type of wine confidence you've never seen before. And quite frankly, it's pretty great. We should drink wine more often, shouldn't we?

It's Always On Offer
Desperate times call for desperate measures and when things are a little tight, wine is one thing you're understandably not willing to sacrifice. And how can you refuse when it's always half price? It's literally on the shelf calling your name. Go grab it girl.

Waste Not Want Not
If for any absurd reason you crack open a bottle and don't finish it (and realistically, when does that ever happen?), the lid can be screwed back on and it can be popped back in the fridge for another day. Of course, that's a silly idea but say an emergency struck, you know it's not going to be wasted.

It's Made From Grapes So It's Basically Healthy
It's completely diet friendly because it's actually a fruit. It doesn't matter about the process it went through to turn into alcohol, if it's original state was grapes when it MUST be good for you. End of.

Guaranteed Great Sleep
Unless you're alternating wine with red bull or showcasing your best slut-drop on the D floor to keep your energy levels up, wine will more often than not send you into a sleepy state. You can't even blink more slowly than normal for fear of falling asleep. BUT, when you do go to sleep, it's the best. EVER.

Moral of the story is that wine has multiple benefits that keep you coming back for more. It's responsible for the wildest nights, the deepest chats and the stickiest clutch bag, but you can forgive and forget. And if you can't forget, just keep pouring until you do.

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