It's Hard Being A Girl

Sunday, 17 August 2014

As a girl, I can completely and utterly vouch for the fact that it's hard work. Constant hard work. We're a complex gender and are faced with a multitude of hurdles to overcome from pre-pubescent dramas to big girl problems. Uni, boys, life decisions - you know, the usual. We dabble in different things on a day to day basis which shape us and mould us into the people we are today. And believe it or not, the hardest things about being a girl are the most prominent factors in the playing field when it comes to fighting the battles which come hand in hand with having two X chromosomes. Although being a girl can suck, we need to remember that we're a strong, independent, kick arse gender. So remember that when you're curled up with a 30% extra free tub of ice cream in your Disney pjs sobbing at Corrie because you're sad and you have no idea why. It's totally okay to cry and eat ice cream. At the same time. 

Boys and boobs. It's funny really, because boys love boobs. But we hate them both at times. Whether you're backing the #bigboobgalproblems or resemble that of a teenage boy, boobs can be a bitch. They're either too big to run without the support of four sports bras or too small to even consider actually needing to wear a bra at times. What's more annoying is how infatuated boys are, with essentially, balls of fat. Most of the time boys are a pain in the arse. But if they prove to be a waste of space, we can go over to the lesbian side like we all seem to say we are going to do whenever a boy is at the core of our heartache and frustration. Although they'd probably like that a hell of a lot more. 

A very touchy subject. Hormones can be lethal and in all honestly, I feel sorry for anyone in the warpath of a girl and her little hormone minions. They strike when you least expect it, make you feel happy, sad, angry and confused all at the same time and quite frankly, are pesky little buggers. It's not uncommon to feel on the verge of tears because you think the dress you tried on in Topshop made you look like a whale when you were sure you looked dead skinny last week. Hormones are unpredictable, unavoidable and give you the capability to break down in tears at any given moment. So don't you dare tell me I've got food on my face when I'm in my lady zone because I will not be responsible for my actions.

The dreaded P word that 80% of boys can't bring themselves to say. Yes boys, they actually exist. Don't moan how unfair it is that we're out of action for five days when we're the ones who have to pay for sanitary products and endure the three Cs. Cramps, cravings and crying - of course. Although it does mean we can easily consume an entire bar of Galaxy by ourselves and feel completely guilt-free. Do yourself a favour and just be nice in our time of need. We're not on the best of terms with Mother Nature at this time of the month so earn yourself some brownie points. Or actually, just bring us brownies. Periods are rubbish, but they do mean that we're baby free for another month. Silver living and all that.

Okay so I can't exactly talk from experience, but even watching the opening titles of One Born Every Minute makes me nauseous and gives me a sudden urge to sew my vagina up. I've heard that it's horrendous, I've read that it's horrendous and parents never tell you that it isn't horrendous. I don't know about you, but that's enough evidence for me. Apparently it's like passing a watermelon. Just take a minute to digest that, please. I mean, your cousin's best friend's little boy is the cutest thing you've ever seen. Until he's sick four times down your new overpriced Topshop jumper. The guys get the fun part and the girls get the irreversible body part as an added extra. Brilliant. Use contraception kids.

A wardrobe full of clothes but nothing to wear. Sound familiar? Can I just clarify that we don't intentionally spend half the evening getting ready just to annoy you. We're having a serious clothes crisis and you're better off staying well out of our way. On the rare occasion that we do actually care for your opinion, don't tell us that the two black tops we can't decide between, look the same. They are clearly very different and you will send our stress levels rocketing if you play the dumb 'hurry the hell up' tactic. Just don't. If you want to be a dear, you can hang our clothes up as we're throwing them in your direction to save us from having to iron them. Because that would just tip us over the edge.

Wouldn't it be nice to just switch off, take things as they come and spend your days in a relaxed state of mind. But unluckily for us, we're girls. It's in our nature to analyse every single situation and draw up a list of 38 things that could potentially go wrong. It's also in our nature to deconstruct each and every single text or sentence instead of taking it at face value. You can minimize our tendency to do this by quitting while you're ahead with the mind games, and being honest and upfront. We'll over think it anyway and spend 45 minutes wondering why you didn't send a smiley, but it's the thought that counts.

It's completely normal to keep looking at the girl across the room who definitely has thighs half an inch thinner than yours and convince yourself that there's no way she's naturally that skinny. I mean, she must go the to the gym at least four times a day, right? And of course you're going to think the girl you've been stalking on Instagram for the last three hours is a little too boyish looking for your liking. But you secretly want a piece of her ab action for yourself. Comparing yourself to others will lead to self destruction but you just can't avoid these sort of things with a front-facing camera now, can you?

You need to understand that we have a love-hate relationship with heels. They elongate the leg, make your calves appear more toned and add a little sophistication to an outfit. But they also hurt. A lot. Probably a solid eight on the pain scale. It's not that we can't walk in them, it's just that the peep toe has been crushing our toes together for around five hours that we've lost circulation in three out of five toes. We're not hobbling around thinking we look sexy. We are in pain. Serious, serious, pain. They don't call them killer heels for nuttin' you know. Oh, and if you dig kitten heels, please leave.


  1. Love, Love, Love this post! Everything is so true and I can relate to all of it! Apart from the Child Birth as I have not yet endured this (and hope not to for atleast a few years yet!) This post made me smile and totally think it's ok and that I am normal! This is the kind of post that every girl needs to read :D xx

    1. Aw, thank you Angie! I like writing things that people understand and can relate too. I'm the same, I've defo not encountered the child birth part yet! Thanks so much for your lovely words :) x