Boys Can't Win

Sunday, 10 August 2014

We moan about the arseholes but place the nice guys firmly in the friend zone. We get frustrated when he doesn't text but if he texts too much he's clingy. He's too keen if he lays it on the table but he's a commitment phobe if he doesn't want a relationship. We want the bad boys to show us a little bit of affection in front of his friends, and we want the overly sensitive guys to stop sending us flowers every three days and toughen up. So what do we actually want? Because I sure as hell don't know what I want. And I'm sure if each and every one of us wrote a list and invented the man of our dreams from it, there would still be something we weren't happy with. We need to stop comparing guys we meet to what we want, and give them a chance to actually win us over. There's no harm in cutting them a little bit of slack.

I'm not talking about being a pushover. Definitely don't be one of those because you actually do deserve an arsehole if you're going to leave your backbone at home. Don't let them be an idiot. And certainly don't let them treat you like one. If we nip it in the bud and refuse to settle for anything less than what we deserve, maybe some of these boys will turn out to be one of the nice guys. And by nice, I'm not talking about being nice for 24 hours and then having questionable morals for the next 48, I'm talking about being genuinely nice. We all have our flaws so don't expect perfection, but if someone is loyal, trustworthy and treats you well, don't go looking for something that you probably won't find. Obviously you have to have a connection as there's no point being with someone who feels more like your brother than your boyfriend just because he's nice to you. But be realistic. Oh, and remember that backbone.

Forget types and everything you're used to. Maybe that's the exact reason why previous people haven't worked out and proven to be right for you. Let go of stereotypes and who you think is good for you and refrain from passing judgement until you actually get to know the guy. Give the nice guys a break and you might even thank yourself for it. Don't plan ahead and talk yourself out of it. There's no better time to live in the moment and take each day as it comes than when you're getting to know someone new. Invest in spontaneity and give a guy a chance to show you why he might actually be good for you. We need to ditch types and tick lists because they don't reflect actual, real people. We all want the perfect man - so forgive me for bursting your bubble - but the truth is, he doesn't exist. There's not one universally perfect Prince Charming, but there is someone who's perfect for you. Flaws and bad habits in tact.

Relationships are all about compromises and a little bit of give and take, so if you're setting unrealistic ideals of who you're going to meet, you're only setting yourself up for failure. It's better to work with a blank canvas and get to know somebody, rather than disregarding them because they only meet three of your twelve requirements. When you put the shoe on the other foot, it seems degrading and disrespectful that guys would choose not to date us because we're not a 5ft10, olive-skinned supermodel, so what makes it okay for us to be so judgmental? Guys can't win. I'll admit that. But, if we cut them some slack, maybe they'll take us by surprise. Give them an opportunity to win. And at the end of the day, go with your gut. If he's acting like a dick, texting like a dick and treating you like a dick - he probably is a dick. Let somebody else deal with his unnecessary attitude and go find a guy who actually wants to win.


  1. I love when you write posts like this, it's so different to what I usually read! This one is my favourite so far :) x

    Holly | holly la beau

    1. Aw thank you! I really enjoy writing something a little different each week so I'm really glad you're enjoying reading them x

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks Felicity! Glad you liked it :) x